Such is my perception of the state of what I've dubbed "Satan Metal."  Album covers and vitriolic lyrics illustrating the imminent downfall of God and the satanic sodomizing of his ivory clad angels tend to have the same effect on me as would a low budget porno directed by the cast of Monty Python - the desired effects muted by the general goofiness that infiltrates the whole project.

Although it is certainly difficult to take "Satan Metal" seriously, I have to admit that I still love it just as much as I did when, as a youngster, I would listen to bands like Slayer on my earphones late at night - out of earshot of my overzealous mother - and would seriously believe that I was jeopardizing the status of my immortal soul in the good book upstairs.  Besides, I'm coordinated enough to bang my head and to chuckle at the same time.  But all joking and sarcasm and humor and even my healthy dose of good ol' postmodern cynicism are suspended from the moment I hit play on my CD player and the opening riff of "Angel of Death" pummels me.  This is because jamming out to Slayer, especially its masterpiece Reign in Blood, is serious business, even when vocalist/bassist Tom Araya growls "Enter to the realm of Satan!" - exclamation point included - during "Altar of Sacrifice."

So how is it that I am able to flip off the switches that dictate my standard reaction to metal of this ilk?  Perhaps it's nostalgia, thoughts of those evenings when I would ask myself, "Am I really entering into the realm of Satan," and say a quick prayer before dozing off.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact that there is no time to giggle - the album squeezes 10 songs into 29 minutes.  At its blistering pace, the songs take the tone of open fire from an M-16 assault rifle,  the aural equivalent of war, and it's hard to harness humor from a situation that finds you covering your head with your hands as the bullets whiz just above you.

Yet who cares, really.  Instead of dragging you with me through the psychoanalytic ringer, let me make this - the whole point of this review - nice and sparkling clear:  Reign in Blood is one of the two greatest metal albums of all time (Metallica's Master of Puppets being the other release atop the metal pantheon).  The songs, bleeding into one another to intensify the sense of urgency evident in the recording,  are utterly relentless, creating a violent and claustrophobic universe filled with first person accounts of genocide, dismemberment, serial murder, and madness whose graphic content has since been eclipsed, but still, in my opinion, have not been matched in the various genres of extreme metal.

I am of the opinion that in reviewing an album as essential as Reign I am preaching to the choir.  In other words, none of this review should come as a surprise to anyone who can genuinely by labeled a "metalhead."  So I'll leave you with this bit of advice:  discover the therapeutic benefits of this album by cranking it at a deafening volume, breaking a few things, and relieving the tension of day-to-day existence.  Once the sounds of stormy weather fade away at the conclusion of "Raining Blood," retain your sense of humor and get a good laugh at the expense of some pretentious black metallers.  
 

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